the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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