I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
