i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize