I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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