I think I won the penis lottery.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
