No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
