i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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