You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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