Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wear drunk well.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
