The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
