Its about making memories worth repressing
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
