Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
