Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
