Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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