If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
