ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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