You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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