Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
