I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
