Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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