Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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