I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
