I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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