Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
