where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
