Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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