Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
