That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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