2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
