I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
