I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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