During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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