you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
