Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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