bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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