I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
