2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
