When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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