Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
