why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
