well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
