I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
