if you like me you must not know who I am
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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