just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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