so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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