somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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