so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
