so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
