I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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