he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
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I just want to make out with him forever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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