She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My penis needs a shock collar
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
