Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
