Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
