Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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