This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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