just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
