I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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