Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize