soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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