How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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