***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
