so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
