i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
