he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
