and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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