Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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