i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
