areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I party with great urgency now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
