so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
