I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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