I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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