I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
