Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
