The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
